As I approach my next round of chemo this Thursday, I feel myself dreading it and even getting a little angry that I have to go through this.
I don't like feeling angry, but sometimes I get so mad at what cancer,
and subsequently chemo, has taken from me.
It has taken my hair, energy, and soon my breasts.
It has taken my appetite and my taste buds.
It has stolen some of the laughter from our home.
It has taken my ability to get a good nights sleep.
It has taken my children's innocence.
It has taken my ability to care for my home and family.
It has sucked every bit of moisture out of my body.
I has stolen my taken-for-granted belief that I will be around to see my children and grandchildren grow up and my husband grow old.
It often takes my husband's smile, although he tries not to show it.
But like with most bad things, there are usually a few good things too.
In an effort to not waste energy on negative emotions like anger, I decided to list the positive things that cancer has given me.
It has given me the ability to realize what is really important in life.
It has given me the ability to let go of the small details and not obsess over little things.
It has taught me to let go of silly grudges.
It has taught me to love more and judge less.
It has opened my eyes to how good people are and how much my family and I are loved by others.
It has taught me to accept help from others.
It has taken my relationship with my husband to a new and deeper level.
It has strengthened relationships with my extended family.
It has strengthened relationships with my extended family.
It has caused my mailbox to be flooded with sweet cards and letters.
It has strengthened my relationship with my Heavenly Father and increased my understanding of the atonement.
It has driven to my knees and to my scriptures as I search for peace and comfort.
It has forced me to slow down and discover that when I am still, my children seek me out for some one-on-one time and sweet conversations.
It has taught me that happiness is a choice I can make.
It has taught me that happiness is a choice I can make.
Suprisingly the list of positives are longer than the negatives.
Does this mean that cancer is a blessing and I am grateful for it?
NO!
I would never wish for cancer for myself or even my worst enemy
(not that I have any--I think)
But it does mean that there are positives to even the blackest situations--we just have to look for them.
And trust in the Lord.
And pray really hard to make it through this with a good attitude.
And how could I not have a good attitude with a team like this??
3 comments:
Hey can we get some of those shirts that say I wear pink for my friends? Hang in there. One day at a time, one moment at a time is all that is needed. Love you!
Your kids are learning strength, compassion, the power of prayer. They are also witnessing an enormous depth of love between a husband and wife. I am so sorry you have to go through this. xoxox
Love your positve comments. It reminds me that even in the darkest abyss that we receive blessings...sometimes it just takes a while to realize them. I love you Vicky!
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